January 2008

For the past few days, I realise of the existence of an invisible threshold circle around everyone of us. It defines the boundary of what we can do normally and what we cannot. It is there for good things and bad things as well. A big herculean effort or hi-octane inspiration is needed to break through the threshold and do something meaningful. More and more we delay making the efforts to break through, the circle keeps closing in and at one point starts choking us that even the normal day-to-day activities seem a big ask. The negative part of the threshold is very smart and shrinks in a certain areas and elongates in a certain areas thereby bringing badder things into our capability zone.

Its just similar to earth’s gravity. It keeps us grounded and similarly the threshold keeps us from bad things. A lot of force is required for breaking through the threshold for bad actions as well. But as it inhibits good actions and development, it must be enslaved. The power of a rocket or a space shuttle is needed to break free of the earth’s gravity. Similarly extremely powerful force is needed to break through the barrier, which when done leads to great things.

I’m getting to face a lot of undesirable things due to my threshold circle closing in. I have had the desire and interest to learn a lot of things like Cryptography, Python, Web design, CSS, PHP, JavaScript, Linux and more. But in each of these, I get stuck at the threshold level. It could be because of lack sustained focus, inspiration but also a lot of other factors have contributed to it. A bit of guidance and help, or maybe even spoonfeeding till there is reasonable familiarity with these stuff, from learned persons can always be the clinching factor. Also lonely efforts are more difficult and difficult to sustain. The company of like-minded persons will surely do wonders, but the key is in finding the right company.

I realise that once the threshold starts shrinking, it grows powerful and is more difficult to break. Often breaching the threshold turns out to be the difference between achievers who take it all and the triers. Here the will power to keep going on and on, unperturbed by obstacles and difficulties, is very much essential as is patience. Development takes its own time and never happens in an eyeblink. It is almost impossible for most of us to accept such an obvious truth. Many people like me have spurts of inspiration and the will to do things and hence are easily disappointed if things do not happen within the duration of the spurts. Such things usually take a lot out of me and cause huge disappointments which take quite some time to heal. The key here is ‘sustained focus’ and oodles of ‘patience’.

Let me pray for people including me to realise that there is a great world outside the good threshold where sky is the limit!

The one month holiday and the fortnight after it was spent in suffering and recovering from Jaundice. Though Jaundice hadn’t fully gone off, I decided to return to college after Pongal holidays and the doctor gave me clearance. But the flipside of coming to Madurai, staying at hostel and attending the college is that with the severe food restrictions imposed, what I can eat and what is being served in the hostel mess never ever overlap. So I’m restricted to eating my favourite curd rice for lunch and dinner and whatever is served for breakfast(Curd rice will not be served for breakfast 🙁 ). It includes eating the restricted food stuff. I fear something very bad will happen to my health due to it. I’m too lazy and have loads of works often that I cannot find time to go out and eat Idlis in the hotel for breakfast 🙁

The first few days of my return included 4 hectic working days(Saturday and Sunday included). I had virtually no time to breath lest cope with the missed lessons. Then there was the first internal test which came and went in a jiffy and I wrote all my exams without conviction and of course without any sort of preparation. Hence very poor marks can be expected, good marks should be a shock! 🙂

I also decided against going home for the weekend so that I could stay in hostel, relax, enjoy with my laziness and of course do some reading and catching up. In the midst of all these I will have to visit my Diabetologist, update him on my health condition and get his advice and opinions. Praying for progress in my health!